• the YA novel Good Enough by Paula Yoo
• Racebending.com’s more recent updates about the casting of The Last Airbender
• “Nobody’s Asian in the Movies” from Commentary! The Musical
• asiansinthemedia.com
• Stuff White People Like
• and assorted others that I’m probably forgetting.

My point is, this has been mulling in my brain for a few weeks now, and I can’t help but have all of this in my head as I rethink the casting.

Linda Wasom-Ellam, a Canadian anthropologist, published an article about 10 years ago called Living Against the Wind: Pathways Chosen by Chinese Immigrants. What’s directly relevant to me are her musings on family literacy, which, from my personal experience, is absolutely true. Reading is a tool for education, education is a commodity.

Chinese parents see education as a valued avenue for economic advancement and social mobility. Both families in this study want their children “to get a good job.” In the former studies, the researchers found that Chinese parents contribute to their children’s academic achievement by monitoring school performance and activities that enhance or diminish performance.

Reasons are pretty straightforward. My parents, and most parents (Asian, immigrant or not!), want to give their kids a secure, comfortable life, better than the ones they have. I was badgered at to play piano, do SAT practice tests, finish extra math homework. My parents thought their work was done if I got accepted into an Ivy League university, that I would go on to medical or law school and make six figures and have a cushy life. It was already fire and brimstone when I transferred out of engineering into liberal arts, I can only imagine what would have happened if I told them I wanted to work in Hollywood.

Anyway, the point of this lengthy divergence is that I barely found any notable Asian-American actresses around my age to portray me in the non-existent movie of my life. None of them got a top billing. Some were of mixed descent and used as exotic eye candy, some play the quirky info-dumping best friend in ABC family or Disney franchise tv. I had never heard of most of them, let alone watched any of their work, so I couldn’t really accurately judge on their acting abilities. Or if I had, it was on one of those previously mentioned roles, which is not what I’m looking for. So if this movie about my life were to get made, I would have to resort to whitewashing or unknowns. Neither of these prospects are particularly pleasing to a producer, I mean, I want my film to get a wide release, for heaven’s sake–so why would I want to take a huge financial risk on unknowns?

I know there are tons of problems about representation in Hollywood, from what kind of movies become hits to who gets to become a star. A lot of much more eloquent people have discussed that. I’m thinking, no immigrant parent would ever want their kid to pursue a career in Hollywood, which is financially unstable and culturally foreign.  So a young person who wants to work in Hollywood would have to ride double against the wind–against the current Hollywood practices and against their parents.

Three things could change this:

• the Internet becomes a driving force in tv and movies, with more web series like The Guild popping up, and levelling the playing field somewhat
• later generations of Asian Americans will have broken into Hollywood, without that cultural disconnect immigrant parents feel
• China and India will take over the world and Hollywood will no longer have the upper hand in the media industry (though admittedly those countries, China especially, have a lot to learn about communications infrastructure.)

In the meantime, however, the double wind persists, self-perpetuating and circular. “There aren’t any experienced Asian actors who could do this the role,” a casting director says, but they’re the ones responsible for any experience. “Or we could just get someone from Asia.” While aspiring Asian actors hear from their immigrant parents, “what do you want to be on TV for? You won’t make any money!” And then there’s the biggest complaint, too, the one that Racebending.com makes–Asian children don’t aspire to become actors anyway, because they don’t see their race get any sort of meaningful role.

I share most of these points, not all of them, and probably not phrased very elegantly. It’s late. I just keep thinking, the website Asians in the Media concludes that “these problems will pervade into the future, unless the views of Asian Americans change through the proliferation of authentic Asian American stories by Asian American artists and storytellers on the national screen and stage.” In order for this to happen, the Asian American artists and storytellers either have to be really determined, or the Asian American community has to start encouraging such vocations as credible. I expect it to happen over time, in a generation or so from now, hopefully before the stories are lost.

For now, I doubly applaud the efforts to those who live against the wind.

2. Am unfortunately behind on my thesis. Going back to campus tomorrow to kick myself into high gear. Things that need to be done: formalize my thoughts on re-reading Matilda, read Barthes’s The Rustle of Language, come up with a list of potential interview questions, email Professor E / make an appointment with Bank Street, and lose my nervousness about approaching strangers.

3. Went jewellery shopping the other day, to help a friend find something for his girlfriend. I saw this today:

which is really this:

and want. Desperately want. Please keep records for my future and currently non-existent boyfriend. This goes in the same pile as the mockingjay pendant and Tiffany Aching’s uff horse necklace.

4. New goal: figure out twitter. The Internet is the new Grid, and re: Professor Baron’s “always on” theory, you either have an online presence or you don’t exist. It’s not official until it’s on facebook. Etc. I have a feeling twitter can be useful for professional reasons, but I half-cringe at the thought of reading what everyone’s had for lunch. Tim Adams wrote an interesting article over The Observer that inspired my final paper for Specters of Culture:

Slowly all the aspects of the world that were formerly external to us, out there – friends, shops, newspapers and now books – are being accommodated into this space [machines like mobiles, laptops], so that they can be contained almost entirely on our personalised screens: aspects of our selves, part of our understanding of who we are.

I actually find that pretty scary, but then again, recently, I’ve been finding myself looking to the past. Hence one of the reasons I find steampunk fascinating.

5. Narrate boot camp starts today!

6. New goal: give my blog a makeover. I want to be able to put the URL on a resume and a business card, though I doubt this will actually happen (I’m way too shy). I found a lovely simple Wordpress template that I’m planning to customize and have up by the end of January. I use my blog 100% for personal reasons, not to draw an audience or spark a discussion, but just for me, though I don’t mind if people look on.

7. Books I read recently, rehashed from goodreads:

A Hat Full of Sky by Terry Pratchett

A Hat Full of Sky is the second Tiffany Aching book, who’s turning out to be one of my favourite heroines. Eleven now and learning how to become a proper witch (slightly more formal training than when she defeated the Queen of the Fairies with a frying pan), Tiffany faces a set of new challenges: moving away from the Chalk for the first time, meeting fellow witches her own age, and most importantly, increasing self-awareness of the balance between her desires and conscience.

What I loved so much about this book was that Pratchett emphasises people and perception. As readers, we take the general view the characters who think the hiver is parasitic and evil, feasting on individuals and giving them what they want until they die of their own corrupted power. But when the hiver feeds on HER, Tiffany’s perspective changes with knowledge, learning about herself and about the hiver.

I found the whole thing quite philosophical, actually. You’re allowed to be human and have desires. But you are also responsible for attaining those desires, and for questioning whether or not those desires are worth attaining.

Extra notes: Jeannie, the new kelda of the Nac Mac Feegle clan, is awesome. She’s really cute. And Granny Weatherwax makes me laugh, I loved how Tiffany realised her little ’secret’. And yes, because I’m slow, I only understood the pun on the name ‘Rob Anybody’ 40 pages into the SECOND Tiffany Aching book, and sat there laughing for a full five minutes.

If I Stay by Gayle Forman

I don’t read a lot of dead-girl books, so I can’t say I’m coming from the camp who’s sick of them. I can say, however, that If I Stay is a fantastic read. Seventeen-year-old Mia, a talented cellist, has an amazing life–hip and understanding parents,…more I don’t read a lot of dead-girl books, so I can’t say I’m coming from the camp who’s sick of them. I can say, however, that If I Stay is a fantastic read. Seventeen-year-old Mia, a talented cellist, has an amazing life–hip and understanding parents, an adorable younger brother, a funny and sarcastic BFF, and a cool and loving and non-cheating boyfriend in a band. In fact, her perfect life remains the only caveat in reading this novel: if you can believe how good her life is, then you can truly understand the pain she feels at the choice she has to make. Forman’s novel is gorgeously written in pacing and style. I don’t like books that are Hallmark channel fodder, and this one did make me cry, but it was worth it. I was engrossed from beginning to end, and Mia’s life would be the kind I’d like to have (which is probably why this book worked for me so well). Forman’s pairing this novel with classical music was well-done; the whole time I kept hearing companionable silence of the prelude of Bach’s Cello Suite No. 1 (the result of to my love for the West Wing)

Pretty Monsters by Kelly Link

Aside from The Faery Handbag, I hadn’t read anything by Kelly Link prior to this collection of short stories. Nine in all, of varying length, time period and feel, the stories showcase Link’s mastery of the short story form–in a couple of paragraphs she tells us everything we need to know, and she then does the slow reveal with the punchline at the end. I’m in awe of her technique! The stories explore a multitude of themes such as textuality, reality, death, myth, and magic, all with mystery and some element of the fantastic. Link’s sense of humour is great, and her twists are right up my alley (I saw a few coming, like “The Wizards of Perfil” and “Pretty Monsters”). Maybe it’s because my home turf is a full novel, I really wanted some stories to be expanded (like “The Surfer” and “The Faery Handbag”), while I felt others were mere vignettes (”The Wrong Grave”). Some, like “The Constable of Abal”, I thought were lovely just the way they were A mixed bag, but a really worthy one–it just depends on what you like. Link borders more on surrealism than fantasy, and has more than a few mindscrews that could even put her close to horror.

The Perilous Gard by Elizabeth Marie Pope

A lovely tale inspired by the ballad of Tam Lin. I say ‘inspired’ because instead of retelling it, it refers to the ballad more as a homage. Set in 16th century Tudor England, Katherine Sutton is exiled to Elvenwood, and becomes tangled in a quiet, complex story of loss, sacrifice and intrigue. A fascinating, if a pessimistic look at faerie, though the obvious Christian sympathies and themes fit in well with the setting. Also, it has one of the most perfect endings of a novel I’ve ever read. (Spoiler coming up) Kate, having seen Christopher and her sister get on splendidly, squashes her envy and plans on bearing it the best she can. The conversation Kate has with the faerie queen, when the queen offers her a love potion to give to Christopher as a boon, is one that will stay in my mind for a long time. The queen admits she is not Kate’s friend. Kate refuses the potion, and later realises that had she taken the offer, she would always question if Christopher really loved her or not.

Currently reading: anthro theory stuffs, Next up: War for the Oaks by Emma Bull